why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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