WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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