Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
