he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
