I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
