i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
