I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
