Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize