i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Houston, we have a squirter
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
