cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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