He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize