I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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