his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
