if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
