I should be sponsored by Trojan
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
