why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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