Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
