So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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