Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
