Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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