OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
