i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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