He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
