I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
