Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
