guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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