and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
