I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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