I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
