What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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