Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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