Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
