you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
