why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize