Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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