Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
im on a boat
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