the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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