Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
