we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
