I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she peed on how many people?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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