You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
