My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
