im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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