I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
