was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
