Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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