would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
