i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
