'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
