im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
