Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
