I cockslap morals
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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