one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
