If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
