WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
