Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
