Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
