We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
