why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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