I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
