hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
