Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
