The maid of honor just puked.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
