I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
