well I can't set my house on fire every night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
