New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
