You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
