the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
