You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
