you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
