Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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