I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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